THE LOCK-
at the Rayleigh Conservative Club
THE VALUE OF A SMILE
It costs nothing but creates much;
It enriches those who receive without impoverishing those who give;
It happens in a flash but the memory of it sometimes lasts forever.
None are so rich that they can get along without it,
None are so poor but are richer for it’s benefit.
It is rest to the weary, sunshine to the sad,
And nature’s best antidote for trouble.
It cannot be bought, borrowed or stolen
For it is something that is no earthly good until given away
And when it is given away; it always comes back;
And nobody needs a smile so much as those who have none to give.
A-
Scared of Santa? Then you've got Claustrophobia! ...and other gloriously daft definitions from 40 years of radio's I'm Sorry I Haven't A Clue.
The Uxbridge English Dictionary is the silliest dictionary in the world. Compiled from over 40 years of Radio 4’s quiz show I’m Sorry I Haven’t A Clue, it reveals alternative meanings for everyday words with rib-
Scared of Santa?
Part 5
Silicone — Madonna’s bra
Snuffbox — Coffin
Specimen — Italian astronauts
Spinach — Irritation caused by sitting next to Alastair Campbell
Suffocation — A weekend in Lowestoft
Taffeta — A cannibal with a preference for Welsh people
Tangent — Dale Winton
Template — The secretary hasn’t turned up
Tenure — How they describe a decade in the West Country
Thatcher — Used to be married to that Sonny Bono
Thinking — A young Elvis
Tombola — Man who throws cats
Tyrant — Angry reaction to having to wear a tie
Uganda — Go and have a look
Unfettered — Without Greek cheese
Unilever — A stick for getting students out of bed
Vaccinate — To administer drugs with a Hoover
Vigilante — An old relative who stays up all night
Wagtail — Coleen Rooney’s biography
Wallaby — Someone aspiring to be a kangaroo
Walnut — An obsessive bricklayer
Weight-
Welfare — Blonde, innit
Witchcraft — Magazine for boat owners
X-
Yeoman — Presidential greeting (after George W. Bush’s matey comment to Tony Blair)
Zucchini — An animal park enthusiast
Adapted from The Complete Uxbridge English Dictionary by Tim Brooke-
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